Elisabeth Carpenter

11 January 

It’s been an interesting week. I’m out of town on a stunt job on the East Coast (Savannah, GA) and my clock has not adjusted at all, so I’ve been fighting sleep. Thankfully I’ve had a lot of downtime and have been consuming books, and other forms of media that are keeping me occupied and inspired! Finding my balance as an Artist and Entertainer is always a bit of a fine line, especially when I’m away from home where I have access to limited belongings. I was that kid that tried almost every instrument and sport (although my main love was always gymnastics), so when I’m home I’m still surrounded by multiple instruments and lots of stunt training equipment, weapons, juggling balls, etc. Obviously I can’t bring it all when I travel…maybe that’s a good thing because it forces me to narrow my creative focus. Nonetheless, I notice myself missing the ability to just sit down at my piano and play, pick up my fiddle, swing a staff around if I feel so inclined. 

Last night I watched the Golden Globes, admittedly by chance because someone tagged me on IG in a post about “Everything, Everywhere, All at Once”, a film I had the absolute pleasure of working on as stunt double for Jamie Lee Curtis! I hadn’t realized the Awards were on, and they had literally just started, so I turned on the TV (first time since I landed here a week ago) and commenced to watch.  I found myself feeling more and more inspired as the presenters and award winners shared their unique and emotional journeys. I sometimes struggle to find the relevance of “entertaining” in this crazy world, so it was an uplifting moment of really feeling into the joy of being part of the Entertainment industry, at large, and recognizing the relevance we all have to bring joy and change to society! 

I used to always mute commercials, a habit engrained in me young by my Mama who knew the manipulation of advertising. But now as a songwriter and Artist (my hubby and I write music for film, TV, and Ads and he composes), I actually study them to see what music landed! As a bonus, while I watched, I finally transferred a few hundred photos and videos from my phone to my backup drive! Whew! That’s been a long time coming since it’s so time-consuming. 

Earlier today I had 2 zoom meetings/sessions, both of which were equally inspiring, both music-related, and I’m on hold from work so I was able to spend the rest of my day being creative! I’ve learned to latch onto a spark of inspiration when it arises and run with it. My goal for the remainder of this time away is to listen back through a bunch of voice memos and find the nuggets that make sense to flesh out into songs. Ideas always seem great in the moment, but then going back over them there are usually quite a few that don’t amount to much. 

One revelation I’ve had about myself is that I’m quick to start projects, and need to work on my follow through. I have tons of voice memos for songs I’ve started, but much fewer that I’ve either scrapped or finished. I also listened to a podcast interview by 2 directors with whom I’ve worked and one went into some detail about realizing that he had ADHD, which in turn led him to better understand himself and the way he works. I’ve never been a fan of labels, but it does encourage me to think beyond the mental confines I’d previously set for myself, and feel inspired to dig into some study about ADHD. I would imagine I have it, and maybe I, too, will gain insight and patience toward my sometimes-chaotic mind jumping around. 

That’s it for me this week! 

I hope you’ve found some inspiration of your own! 

Elisabeth

30 December 

As the Holiday Season draws to a close around the New Year, many people are feeling the stark, barren ache of loss. I know my family has lost too many loved ones this past year - family, community elders, & younger people to both illness and suicide. It seems the number of suicides, especially in mid-age men has risen sharply as the increasing pressure of our society weighs heavily on the hearts and shoulders of many. With sickness at least, we see the signs and have some time to prepare ourselves the best we can to adjust when a loved one passes over. Often times, we don’t see the signs of despair before a suicide, or have any warning before an unforeseen accident occurs. No matter the cause, every death still wrenches my heart deeply.   

We are told this is the season for joy and celebrating. I am certainly grateful to have our health, and more than our basic needs met! For us, today marks year 2 in remission from cancer for Scotty – my hubby -which feels huge, considering he almost didn’t survive at all! Still, as we spent our Holiday at home baking and cooking, it felt bittersweet as he keenly felt the loss of his dear Momma who passed on Valentine’s Day this year. She was his rock, the one who taught him the love of making food, and so much else! 

We chose not to travel this Holiday season (and thank goodness with all the flight drama!). So from home, we did a lot of reminiscing, reached out to family and loved ones, gave out tins of homemade cookies, and made enough chicken soup to share with another family who’s just lost a loved one. We laughed, cried, shared loving moments, celebrated the past & started looking forward. We played music, sang, built an artsy clock, took walks, listened to the rain tapping on the roof. 

I had an extremely emotional moment in the past month. I had just found out an iconic musician, a staple from my childhood music community was sick and in hospice and felt an all-too-familiar ache inside my chest. I sat and wrote him an email, reminiscing on all the dances he played, the potlucks and music jams he hosted, the fiddle lessons he gave me, and the incredible impact he’s made on me, along with many others, as a compassionate, talented, attentive role model. I also included a very rough version of a song Scotty and I wrote and were in the process of recording, letting him know I’d send along the finished version shortly. He wrote back a very sweet, short response which eased my heart a little. While I was in the studio, tracking vocals to our song about home, I felt his presence there, and imagined I was singing it to him, across the country. It really resonated with the tumble of emotions churning inside me, but felt like a peaceful homage to him. He passed peacefully very soon after, as did another community artist. 

As a society we aren’t really taught to think, talk about, or to consider Death as part of the cycle of life. It is inevitable. It’s unpredictable when and how it will come. But it does and will come to each of us, at some point, and we will pass into whatever awaits us beyond our existence in our human body. I guess I’ve come to terms with the awareness that, because I have lived a rich, love-filled life within a large collective community, I will also feel loss each time one of those people passes. So it could be taken as a positive sign. It’s better to suffer the losses of wonderful loved ones numerous times, because I’ve had the privilege of basking in their love than to suffer less because I’ve had less love. I also remind myself that, whether they are suffering physically or emotionally, they have found release from that pain, and have left their mark in our world which we can continue to honor through memories and shared stories. 

That is what I’m left reflecting on as we dive into another new year during which much of the world is embroiled in needless conflict created by greed and disconnected ego. Each day I choose to live my best life, smiling at strangers and friends alike, looking out for my fellow humans, spreading compassion, loving, laughing and growing. I truly believe that the more we do the work to spread kindness and joy, the better our world will be, despite all the hardship. A smile, a hug, a kind word can truly transform a person’s living experience. 

In love and light, 

Elisabeth

9 December, 2022 

I write most days in my journal, a habit I’ve had since I was young and have stayed consistent with, on and off, over the span of my life. I’ve been feeling the urge to start a blog for a while now, but my first reaction was “I’m already so busy and overextended, that would be one more obligation and I’m working on scaling back”. But, as I said, I already write consistently so I’ve decided it’s time. 

It’s a chilly morning in LA, 40 degrees, bright blue, cloudless sky and the sun is shining. Most of the homes here have zero insulation, so there are cold drafts under improperly-sealed doors and around windows. We – my hubby and I -  tend to keep our home temperate no matter the season, so in the summer that means around 80 degrees, and in the winter closer to 70 degrees. We just bundle up in sweatshirts, fuzzy socks, make our coffee and go about our mornings, each of us on a separate “morning time” ritual that includes variations of reading, writing, meditating, stretching/yoga, affirmations and strumming an instrument. We started all this in 2019 as part of the process of healing during his bout with Cancer and have honed in on, and developed, what works for each of us over the years. 

I found myself in barre class yesterday working, as always, to quiet my chattering mind while breathing into my moving body and getting into a zone. I’ve had a tweak in the right side of my back – not uncommon really in my physical line of work – and I always try to dig into what emotional link that holds, outside of just the physical realm. The thoughts that popped into my mind were “I’ve gotten too skinny” and then immediately “other people and society would judge me for sharing that thought because of the connotations of body image in general” and then I thought “why shouldn’t I normalize having the thoughts I have, which aren’t unhealthy or judgmental, just an observation about my own body?”.  So, that’s when something really clicked and I decided I should just start my blog! 

I’m the middle of 5 children, raised by a single mom, with another 5 older half-siblings with whom I lived when we were young until the parents split. That’s all I’ll get into on that topic for now. My Mama was, and is, very health-conscious and ahead of her time practicing & teaching yoga, growing organic food, limiting sugar & TV, encouraging reading, writing, creativity, and play. I’ve always been the athletically-built one in the family, the others were skinny (which was not viewed as an attractive thing by them!), and as a competitive gymnast I developed some serious muscle bulk, although I was fit. I also had chronic injuries which I now understand come from a number of different issues, including too much muscle bulk for my frame. 

As an adult it’s been a journey adjusting to what feels healthy for my body. I was a professional aerialist and acrobat for 15 years and am now a professional Stuntwoman, so I use my body constantly! It’s a daily journey to balance strength with flexibility, training with rest, good nutrition, and to incorporate enough self-care to stay uninjured most of the time. I’ve been in this body long enough that I now know what healthy feels and looks like! And I look at my body A LOT because it’s my tool for work, and also the physical form I’ll live in for the rest of my life. Despite whatever viewpoint society may encourage, I know when I’m carrying extra weight, be it fat or muscle bulk, and I know when I’m too skinny, which means I need to bulk up the muscle a little so I stay capable, strong and able to perform. Which leads to the body image discussion. 

Many people, friends even, will inadvertently consider “you look skinny!” as a compliment, and while it may be intended that way, I struggle to absorb it as such. For me, in my business and in my skin, muscular and lean is the goal. That’s based on my body type, my job description, and how my body behaves. When I carry too much extra weight, my joints hurt, I get injured, and as a result I don’t feel as confident within myself. That’s passing no judgement on anyone else, just identifying my own experience. In the same vein, “skinny” is not what I’m going for either because I need enough strength to hold, carry and lift my body weight, to flip, land, leap run and all those physical actions that bring me joy, and keep me employed! Despite more conversations these days about body image, health, and empowerment, I still feel the discussions can be skewed, and a lot of the “empowered” talk shows up as false confidence because we’re being told to “embrace what we have” but a lot of us are still not really digging deep into how what we have presents as who we are, and how we REALLY feel about it. There are certainly still stigmas about discussing body weight, body image, and health, so it can be a touchy subject, especially with young, developing bodies (I have a teen Stepkid and 12 nieces and nephews between the ages of 3 and 26), so I was a little surprised at my own reactions to my own thoughts about my own body when “I look too skinny” popped into my head the other day! 

I’d love to hear any comments, concerns, experiences, or solutions that come up for any of you readers on the body image/health topic! And, if any of you have specific topics you’d like to hear about I’m open to suggestions as I get my creative wheel turning! 

Thank you for reading, 

I wish you each a healthy, peaceful, inspired day! 

Elisabeth